hp - fionaaaaah!!!

why is hp suffering, a short analysis by denjames..

let's say, you buy a calculator.. manual is in a wrong language - would you consider french to be a language? ;) - so you contact the helpdesk, via the weblink marked on the back of the calculator...

in my head, i imagined it would go roughly like this:
me: webform/email: please send me a manual in english, thanks
hp: package in the mail: there you go, thanks for trusting us so much that we're allowed to calculate for you


in reality, it went like this:
me:

Select a problem area. | product information request
When did you purchase your product? | Jan 2005
What is your serial number (SN)? | cn31500006
If there is an error message, please specify. |
What is your model/product series number? | hp 12c platinum
Please provide the exact problem description. | user guide provided with my calculator is in french, please send me the english version at -- address -- etcetera

hp: (automatic email reply)
Thank you for contacting HP Total Care; please do not reply to this
message. This reply was automatically generated by our e-mail system
confirming receipt of your message.

We are dedicated to providing quality responses to our customers in a
timely manner. All messages are handled in the order received, most are
responded to within one hour.

If you have submitted an e-mail inquiry that is not related to technical
support for a particular product, we will forward your message to the
appropriate organization within HP. To locate the appropriate online
help for your product, please use the following Web site located at:

http://www.hp.com/go/assistance

If you are interested in finding out how your HP consumer products could
be affected by Microsoft's release of Windows XP Service Pack 2, please
visit http://www.hp.com/pond/windowsxp/index.htm.

Once again, thank you for contacting HP Total Care. Delivering total
support for all of your HP products.

hp: Hello James,

Thank you for contacting HP Calculator support for North
America and Mexico. Unfortunately, we are unable to
provide technical support outside of our distribution
region. Please contact the technical support team in your
country for assistance.

http://welcome.hp.com/country/us/en/wwcontact.html

Additionally, I will forward your message to the Master
Distributor for your region. Someone from the regional
support team in your area should contact you within the
next ten business days.

Thank you again for contacting HP Calculator support. If
you have further questions, please contact your local
support.

Sincerely,
Larry
HP Total Care

Our advice is strictly limited to the question(s) asked and is based on
the information provided to us. HP does not assume any responsibility
or liability for the advice given and shall not be liable for any
direct, indirect, special, incidental or consequential damages in
connection with the use of this information. Always back up your data.
For more information, including technical information updates, please
visit our Web site at http://www.hp.com/support.

Original Message Follows:
-------------------------

hp e-mail support

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
hp: Dear Mr. BXXXX,



Thank you for your message. I am your local support assistant.


We can provide you free of charge with an electronic version of the manual.
You can find it at the following website:
http://h10032.www1.hp.com/ctg/Manual/c00363319.pdf

As for a printed version you can contact your local distributor in Belgium and ask for a command.
It is the company:

DISTEC INTERNATIONAL SA
Karenberg 2
1932 Zaventem
Email: info@distec.be
Tel.: +32-2-7126219


I hope that this information will help you to resolve the issue you have.

In case of any other questions please do not hesitate to contact me for more information.

Thank you for your attention.



Best regards.
KatXXXXXXX MikXXXXXXX
HP calculator helpdesk

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
hp: (same person as message just above, some odd 20 days later)

Thank you for contacting HP calculator support for French speaking
countries in Europe.

As for your problem, I would recommend you to contact your reseller and
ask for an eventual exchange of the manual.
Or, you can contact with your request your local distributor in Belgium.
It is the company Distec International:
Tel.: 02 712 62 00
Mail: info@distec.be

As, we are not able to sell you a hard copy of the manual directly from
our support centre.
Anyway, we can provide you with an electronic version of the manual in
English.
You can find it at the following website:
http://h10032.www1.hp.com/ctg/Manual/bpia5184.pdf


I hope that this information will help you to resolve the issue you
have.
In case of any other questions please do not hesitate to contact me for
more information.
Thank you for your attention.

Best regards.

KatXXXXX MikXXXXXX
HP calculators helpdesk
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
me: i call the number (two different numbers mentioned above...)
=> voicemail with a third, changed number for distec

me: blahblahblah all over again:
distec: you can print it from...
me: no thank you, i need a consise booklet, not 500 sheets of A4 paper
distec: ok, we'll send you one

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
me: i call the number four months later, still no booklet arrived: blahblahblah all over again
distec: you can print it from... all over again
me: no, last time you promised me you would send it, in english as a manual, not as 500 sheets of A4 paper
distec: oh, in that case, let's take your address ...
(again!)

>>>>>>>>>>>>>
today: package in the office: 500 sheets of A4 paper, in dutch... now there's some good train reading...


"thanks for contacting HP total care"?? total care?? too much marketing studies?? do you people know what total care means?? did you wash my car or something?? i think not!!!!
"Thank you for contacting HP Calculator support for North America and Mexico"?? what?? i filled out a webform, weirdo's.. you directed it somewhere, not me..
"how your HP consumer products could be affected by Microsoft's release of Windows XP Service Pack 2"?? my calculator?? really?? infected by micro$oft??
"Thank you for contacting HP calculator support for French speaking countries in Europe."?? what?? French speaking countries in Europe?? apart from some eurocrats, nobody speaks french in this country, leave alone the country itself!! some people speak a walloon variant of it, but should that categorise the country as a whole to be french speaking?? would i not have selected some language option on the support website if i wanted to be insulted to be an inhabitant of a french speaking country??

fionnaaaaahh!! come back!!!!

result: for hp: at least 500 euro's spent in help desk support staff time, for distec: minimum of 200 euro's on help desk focus, three and a half euro's for mailing half a ton of paper from the walloons to brussels,
me: one unhappy customer, a mailbox full of hp crap..